Recently, I have come to terms with the idea of having standards. As a teenager I was taught that having standards meant I was too picky and I would never find someone that way. Now, as I realize more about myself and what I want, I know that standards are never a bad thing.
They may complain, you “friend zone every guy you meet” or talk about you spend your nights at home with the fam instead of a loud and cramped party. “They” are just complaining because they don’t understand. You know what you want and you stick to your guns. Good for you.
Everyone likes a challenge. It’s always fun and exciting to accept a new task. You want to win that giant teddy bear at the fair so you KEEP TRYING until you run out of money or someone else takes it. If you give up, you never really wanted it in the first place. The same thing happens with relationships. People will be drawn to you if you know what you want. They respect that. You’re not someone they can just take and drag along.
I’ve known this, but it wasn’t until I read a few chapters of real men don’t text: a new approach to dating that it really sunk in. I found myself setting down my book and jotting down all the standards I could think of for my future man.
Take a moment to do this for yourself. Trust me it makes you feel REALLY good. Knowing what you want in your future partner is key to avoiding heartbreak and sticky situations. If you need a little help, I’m being brave and sharing mine with you.
I’m not the “let’s hangout” girl. If you want me, take me on a date.
I’m old fashion so I don’t do modern relationships well. Be a gentleman and I promise I’ll be a lady. Want to marry me? Ask my parents if they approve and find out what kind of ring I like. Yes boys, girls have this already planned out.
Make “hangouts” purposeful. If we’re friends you’ll probably hmu if you want to just chill and talk, grab a bite to eat, or see the latest Star Wars movie. I’m fine with lowkey things but this is the stage that is just friends.
Pay attention to me and get to know me. If you don’t ask me questions to learn more about me why am I wasting my time?
Invest in getting to know me. Ask me questions but don’t let me do all the talking. I want to get to know you too.
Invest in my friends and family. The more you know them, the more you know me. These are the people who have helped me grow, watched me fail, and seen the very best and worst parts of me.
Opposites attract so just because we aren’t identical in our interests doesn’t mean we’re not soulmates. I will want to do things if they make you happy and I hope you’ll do the same for me. Sometimes we have to suck it up and do things for our SO even if that means sitting through an entire symphony orchestra concert. You might fall asleep, but it’s the thought that counts.
With that in mind, don’t do anything without a full heart in it. If you’re pretending to love the gallery of his favorite artist you’re not being honest. There’s someone else who probably would have put that ticket to good use. (And that’s okay! Do things with other people!)
Don’t be afraid to flirt but know when too much is too much. Don’t be that f***boy that only says what I want to hear without meaning it. Save your compliments and toothy smiles for moments that genuinely mean something.
Understand when I need my space. I’m independent and I’m used to being alone. We can’t be together 24/7. I’ve already got a life that I love and I won’t be disappointed going back to it solo.
Respect my values. Don’t even bother trying to change my mind. I have learned from my mistakes. I know better now.
Be honest. Lying and hiding your emotions are not my favorite things. I have let this slide waaay too many times. If you can’t tell me how you really feel then boy, bye!👋🏻
See no future with me? I don’t know why you even consider a relationship with me. I’m in it for the long haul. Not just something to fill your boredom.
I’m not your rebound. If you still love her please do us both the favor and get over her before we start something. I respect and understand that closure happens at different times for us, but you need to figure out your emotions before this moves past being friends.
Don’t be afraid to make me laugh. I love to laugh. Goofing around is my all-time favorite thing to do. Life is precious and a beautiful thing. There’s no time to be gloomy.
Be yourself. PLEASE. Show me who you really are. I don’t want to fall for a guy that ends up being someone else. I need to know who I’m spending the rest of my life with.
Don’t shower me with gifts. Yes, everyone loves to be loved. BUT I am not one to be won over with gifts…show me you love me by making an effort. It’s in the little things. Sweet gestures and whatever comes from the heart.
Listen. Sometimes I just need you to be there. I get upset or anxious and I just need to talk it out. Don’t try to change the subject. Chances are if you help me through it the first time we won’t have to go through it again.
I get anxious. I can freak out and over analyze things very easily. Pay attention to this and help keep me grounded. Repetition helps. Don’t run away, if you do we obviously aren’t meant to be.
Support me. I need someone who is proud of what I do. Someone who supports and encourages me to put in my best effort. I need you to help me grow.
Please get along with my family and friends. They are my world and they’re not going anywhere.
If you see something that upsets you, be up front and tell me.
Hold me accountable. Help me grow. Catch me if I fall and do it ever-so-lovingly, please.
Let me have my guy friends and bro time. Just like you need your own bro time, I certainly need mine. I WILL NOT. I repeat, I WILL NOT give up my guy friends for you. I have friends who are guys. Suck. It. Up. There is no threat to you. I promise. If you feel uncomfortable let me know, but don’t tell me who I can and can’t hang out with. They’ll be the ones to beat you up if you mess it up.
If you don’t love God or are not willing to grow more in your faith, I’m sorry to say I’m not interested. You are probably a wonderful guy who deserves another wonderful girl, but I’m at a place in my life where I need someone who is willing to grow with me in their faith and put God first.
This is my girl code right now and I’m sticking to it. I’m sure I will think of more things eventually but for now it’s this way or the highway! ✌🏻